mistake?

Of all the mistakes that i've did,

you are my favorite mistake.

And yes,

memories remain.

engagement.

Yes, it is my engagement that we are talking about.

i was engaged on the 6th of November 2010,

to the love of my life :)

Syukur Alhamdulillah.

Praise to Allah.

first interview.

my first time interview, CS. im so glad dat i have my fren, Miza to accompany me, or else i maybe fainted in front of the office entrance, perhaps! i am MOREEE than just nervous. I dont know what the hell am I thinking. it just an interview anyway! hehe, its my first time, so, pardon me. :p
the interview session starts at 9 am. however, my lovely fren already there in front of my sister's house at 7am. haha. it has been a long time since i last met her. it was like a year ago. she is, well, gorgeous, stunning, slimmmm, flawless, and adorable!
i wish i was her. :) her life seems so perfect. though she just lost his father few months ago.


*Al-Fatihah*


the interview went quite well. after done with the interviewing, me and miza went to the cinema to watch Narnia. suddenly, my sister called me told me that she just set an interview for me at Sekolah tahfis somewhere in Taman Nongchik.
me and miza went to the school in a rush, however the interview just took less than 15 minutes. the interviewer said, that he will call me on MONDAY to tell me their decision. *Fingers crossed*

And then, we went to CS again, and watch the movie happily.
it was a great movie though. thumbs up!
I never realise dat i have such a gud fren as her. we went to upper secondary school together, but then, our rship is like chipsmore. sekejap ade, sekejap takde :P
but she always there for me when i need her.
idk why, but i am quite ssad when she told me dat she will move to spore to work theere. anywayss, best of luck to her.

oh, forget to mention. dat i was shortlisted to HSBC. wish me luck.

Lord.

it hurts. i swear to you Lord, it hurts me even more now.

To someone i used to called fren.

Im missing someone I used to called fren. My old fren. Long lost fren. N I’d like to address him as A. I knew A 4years ago, in one of the social networking website, which I called, mespes. I remembered sending him a comment, sounds like this, “baju awak sama ngan baju bf saya”. And starting from that moment, WE became friends. We YM, texting, calling, hang out, sharing probs and so forth. I used to lean him my shoulder every time he feels blue, I used to be the one he looked for when he wanted to share problem. I used to be the one he’ll call when he wanted to cry. Obviously, all I can say, I used to be his close friend. But now, what kills me the most…. I no longer have him as my friend. He started to ignore me, since last year, for no fucking reason, or the least I can say, without me knowing why. Yes. It kills me. I texted him, -no reply. I posted a comment to him, -no reply as well. I bumped into him, then I try to say hi to him, but the saddest thing is, he ignored me. So obviously, he hated me now. For what reason? Only God knows.
Trust me when I say, I really2 sad about all this. I mean like, seriously. I took a sneak peek at his FB. Not to stalk, just to look. I don’t know for what reason, but I feel sad, real sad to see his pictures. I feel sad, to see his laughing with his other friends. ‘why im not there? Why im not one of his frens anymore, why?’ those kinda questions keep linger in my head.

The question is WHY.

WHY he hated me so much now. What I’ve done wrong?

Dear A,
I don’t know why you hate me so much. Seriously I have no idea. But for whatever reasons you have, I just want u to know, dat I miss having u as my frens. I miss having u as my buddy. N I miss lending you my shoulder when u need a place to cry. I miss our friendship. And for whatever reason that makes you hate me so much, I jst want u to bear in mind dat, I’m happy dat I had a chance to have a friend like you. And I cherish every single moment of our frenship. And I always have been sincere to you.

So, I apologize if I made something that obviously made u hate me, please knw tat I didn’t mean any of it. And I really, really, really, really, really, miss the time when we used to be friend….. it kills me to know that u hate me so. It just kills me.

;(
I MISS YOU A - - A -

A little prayer

kalau DIA membawa kebaikan pada diriku, agamaku, keluargaku dan masa depanku, kau pertemukanlah jodohku dengannya. Tapi kalau sebaliknya, maka kau jauhkanlah dia dariku dan bukakan pintu hatiku untuk redha menerimanya.

Amin. >.<

hurt

i took my 2years-untouched-diary with a pen on my hand.
i feel like writing. and when i feel like writing, i noe that is when im hurting.
and of course, im hurting rite now. and that is why i am moving my fingers to tab here and there to share my sadness with the world.
Well, my engagement day supposedly will due in 16days from today.
i dont know. i dont know why it is so hard for me to be happy. i just want a pretty simple life, with happiness as my asset. he keeps on changing his mind. one minute, he'll say, the engagement is on, and the other minute, he'll say 'lets call it off'.
what am i here?


Dear,
even if you don't care about my feelings, about what i feel, at least pls consider about my family. about my mother who loves you like her own flesh n blood.
u hurt me enough. thats ok with me.
but pls,
dont hurt my family.
they're all i got.
I love you. and if you dont feel the same way, pls stop toying with my feelings.
its only 16 fucking days left.






Tuhan,kalau DIA membawa kebaikan pada diriku, agamaku, keluargaku dan masa depanku,
Ya Allah kau pertemukanlah jodohku dengannya. Tapi kalau sebaliknya, maka kau jauhkanlah dia dariku
dan bukakan pintu hatiku untuk redha menerimanya. Amin.

LIFE IS A BITCH.

LIFE IS A BITCH!

its totally a bitch.
aku sangat stress. sangat2. sangat2.
argh, feel like jumping from 99th floor.
bagi mati berkecai kepala.
To my sisters, yang tak tau ape2 pasal RESEARCH, THESIS n TERMPAPER,
tolong jangan pressure aku mcm korang tau sume benda.
You have no Idea what im going tru.
yes, i procrastinate. its my fault. and i admit it.
but you dont have to add extra pressure. No, hell no.
i dont need extra pressure from u guys.
let me be what i wanna be.
if i wanted to be a bitch, let me be a bitch.
its none of your FUCKING bisnes.
dont talk about responsibilities with me.
because none of you guys, are responsible with ur parents.
so dont fucking tell me about responsibilities.

You dont know, so u dont talk.
You dont know, so u dont assume.
Yes, there's an attendance form while doing the termpaper.
and you dont even fucking know that.
so pls just stop talking.
STOP TALKING LIKE YOU KNOW EVERYTHING!
you r not so good yourself.
you r not a gud example.
so what do you expect from me?
Sometimes, i wish dat my mother abort me 22 years ago.
so i dont have to live in this fucking life.
so i dont have to deal with all this fucking shit.
i just wanna die.

kehidupan ni mmg macam TAIK.
macam SIAL.

hari raya

hari raya?
its pretty lame for me.
i had enough of raya.
Raya? Boring~
seriously. i dont know why, but to me, it is nothing than just a tiring month.

I am a PARANOIA.

I am a paranoia.

I am paranoid.

I've realised this since last year.

For those, who have no idea what paranoid@paranoia is:


The person with a Paranoid Personality Disorder essentially has an ongoing, unbased suspiciousness and distrust of people. Along with this, they are emotionally detached. In order to have this diagnosis, the person would have to have seen others as having malevolent intentions, by early adulthood in different situations, as indicated by a number of different factors. These factors include: suspicion that others are exploiting, or deceiving them, that others may not be loyal or trustworthy, believes there are threats or attacks on their character in innocent statements that others do not see, and bears persistent grudges. Additionally, this is not a diagnosis which would be used if the person also has Paranoid Schizophrenia, a separate diagnosis, for example, among other diagnosis which would exclude it.



What makes me said that? Hurm. Everytime people update their status on facebook, if the status is cynical, or sound like yelling, or cursing sumone, i will have this in my mind, "is she/he talking about me"?

or, if sumone write a blog about sumthing, or about SOMEONE, i will have the same thought in my mind.

"die buat blog ni untok aku ke?"

"yela, mmg macam untuk aku je?"

then, i start to think negatively.

"kenape die marah kat aku? :( "

"kenape die tibe2 nak benci kat aku?"

and i will cont wondering for the nxt two or three weeks.

even tho, im not quite sure that the blog or the status is really for me.

isnt dat pathetic? i know. but dat jst me.

and its getting worse these days.

if someone does not reply my sms, i would have probably think like this,

"Okay, she/he hates me! Fine then!"

Why. Why.

I want this think to stop. I have to stop being too negative.

But I cant stop.

And trust me, its getting worse.

Thinking of you EVERYDAY

People always have this to say

That distance will make love drifts away

If out of sight you have to stay

Out of mind it will be one fine day.

For me I know my love will never sway

No matter how many miles between us lay

Without you near the days may be grey

But this love inside me makes everything okay.

Love is not always as flimsy as they portray

Because when absence comes into play

The heart simply grows fonder without delay

I know mine does as I think of you everyday.

head to the ache.

headache.
stressed, pressure, busyness, termpaper-ness, practicum-ness, all of these kinda shits contribute a lot in the dizzyness i have.
not to mention the depression i got from my love life, haiya. never ending story rite.
gadoh-gadoh baik, gadoh-gadoh baik.


muntah~ bluwwerk.


Penat, bosan, letih, lelah, jelak, menyampah melayan kehendak duniawi.

kenape nak ikot kan sangat dunia ni?

sedangkan kite tau semua ni temporary je.

yang kekal hakiki, kat sane. but then, we are too darn busy melayan kerenah dunia yang tak pernah sudah sampai lupakan kehendak hakiki.

woah, ayat! tak boleh blah.


but that is reality.

alpa sangat dengan kehendak dunia.


bila dalam susah, barulah pandai menyungkor meminta pertolongan dan keampunan DIA.

itulah aku.

weight is a bitch!

i put on weight.
ye, berat saya naik. naik dan terus naik. dan naik lagi. dan lagi. bagaikan juara. kenapala. huwaaa.tak payah tanye kenape intan, kau yang makan macam lembu betina lapar kenape? lihatla hasil yang memberangsangkan ini!

bila berat da naik, aku nak tulis blog pon dah jadi tade mood.


so..

bye.

berkepala pening dan bertekak loya. apakah!

jam menunjukkan pukol 5.55 pagi. im getting myself ready to school. lately ive been nausea n headache most of the time. n i dun knw why. should i be worried about it? i dun know.maybe i shud.
why do i have to getup so early just to get to school? mcmane la aku tak benci mengajar kalau mcmni. benci benci~

cant wait for this month to be over, yay!!
habeslah kamu wahai bulan augustin.
hehe. nak pakai baju. nak meneruskan hari2 mendatang sbagai educator. pfft. pretty lame.
bye.

1 month left to educate.

i got one month left to educate.

horrayyyy!!

*joget, joget!*

still got term paper to finish within this one month. phew! macamane? ntah. pasrah je la labu.

aku baru balek dari melaka. 2days off in malacca with Him and his family. it was quite fun :) one of a gud way utk merapatkan silaturahim :)

and i think, his family is growing up on me. it starting. honestly, im quite happy about dat. i start to feel comfortable to be around them. its a gud start rite? :p

well. aku sebenanye nervous. im waiting for sumthing gud dis november or october. doa2kan eh?

been waiting for this to happen since 5years back.

hopefully, kali ni, benda ni, betul2 jadi dgn izin Allah. InsyaAllah :)

Things I HATE about YOU

i hate it, when you say, u'll call me back, but u didnt.
i hate it, when i say i miss you, and you're acting like nothing is happening.
i hate it when i give tons of msgs, but u didnt reply any of it.

isn't dat sweet?

Muhammad

syg, syg!! aby bagi yek lagu just like a star corrine bailey rae.! dgr la skrg kat youtube! hehehehe

7:39pmMe

u really mean it ke aby bg saje2 je nih?

u really mean it ke aby bg saje2 je nih?

7:39pmMuhammad

i do i do!!

7:39pmMe

hehehe

acehh sayang..

7:40pmMuhammad

same2

suke tak?

7:40pmMe

suke:)

7:40pmMuhammad

iye tau tak husband die mati

7:40pmMe

hsband corin ni?

7:40pmMuhammad

pastu lgu nie tribute utk laki die

haah

mati drud OD

*drug

7:41pmMe

owh..yeke..sedey jep

7:41pmMuhammad

check laa

kesian gile

nnti kalau aby mati iye dengar lagu nie tau

janji

7:41pmMe

so..from tonite u noe dat i am the one keee nii? hehehe

nanak!

nanak!

aby ane leh tati dulu..

kite kene ade cucu cicit dulu..

aye nak ade anak atleast 4, camne?

7:41pmMuhammad

haah...from 5year ago

7:41pmMe

ehe

7:42pmMuhammad

ok je

tp iye kene janji dgn aye nnti aye tati yek kene dgr lagu nie

7:42pmMe

aby penat ah kene tggu yek branak byk kali.

7:42pmMuhammad

kalau yek lonely yek dgr lagu nie

tau?

janji

janji la syg

7:43pmMe

tanakla tati..aby ni.. :(

7:43pmMuhammad

janji je la

please

7:43pmMe

promise..

7:43pmMuhammad

yek?

janji

7:43pmMe

ye

janji...

7:43pmMuhammad

ok

7:43pmMe

nnt kalao aby gi offshore pon yek dgr lagu ni.

7:43pmMuhammad

aye nak lalek da nie

justin lambat lagi

ok

7:44pmMe

okay..

7:44pmMuhammad

luv u 4 ever

aby nk gi dah

bye

7:44pmMe

luv u too

8:25pm

Just like a star across my sky,
Just like an angel off the page,
You have appeared to my life,
Feel like I'll never be the same,
Just like a song in my heart,
Just like oil on my hands,
Oh.. I do love you,

Still i wonder why it is,
I don't argue like this,
With anyone but you,
We do it all the time,
Blowing out my mind,

You've got this look i can't describe,
You make me feel like I'm alive,
When everything else is a fade,
Without a doubt you're on my side,
Heaven has been away too long,
Can't find the words to write this song,
Oh.,..
Your love,

Still i wonder why it is,
I don't argue like this,
With anyone but you,
We do it all the time,
Blowing out my mind,

I have come to understand,
The way it is,
It's not a secret anymore,
'cause we've been through that before,
From tonight I know that you're the only one,
I've been confused and in the dark,
Now I understand,

I wonder why it is,
I don't argue like this,
With anyone but you,
I wonder why it is,
I wont let my guard down,
For anyone but you
We do it all the time,
Blowing out my mind,

Just like a star across my sky,
Just like an angel off the page,
You have appeared to my life,
Feel like I'll never be the same,
Just like a song in my heart,
Just like oil on my hands



Isn't that sweet? ;)



FOR ALL YOU KNOW,
I LOVE YOU MOREEEEE THAN I'VE EVER LOVED ANYONE ELSE.
THERE'S NOTHING THAT I WANTED THE MOST OTHER THAN TO BE
WITH YOU.
I REALLY LOVE YOU.
N WILL ALWAYS DO.
NO MATTER HOW IT HURTS ME.
NO MATTER HOW IT BREAKS ME.
<3>
AND THANKS FOR THIS SONG.
YOU ARE MY SHINING STAR.
AND WILL ALWAYS BE.

sAy whUttt?!

SLURRRRRRPS!!
JILAATT2!
HE IS SOOO DAMNNNN SLURRRRPPPYYY!

MOUTH WATERING.
HEHE.
jacob black/taylor lautner.
sangat masculin ye, i loike.
me likeylikey like!
yikes yikes,
likeylikeyliking.
hensemmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!
i leb you bebehhhh! haha

you r my priority when im just your last option

Never make someone a priority when all you
are to them is an option.


I noe im just an option.


*sigh*


;(

ugliness in me.

i dont want to be ugly. i dun wish to be ugly. He created me dis way. So dont blame me for being dis ugly. Blame Him. stop punishing me.


sometimes. people just dont realize. the words they used to make fun of me, can bring me down for days.


days after, i stood up, shed my tears, and live my life, normally, again.


People.


Human.


Why you have to be darn cruel?


I dont want to be like dis. I dont want to be ugly, of course. I want to be pretty, like anyone else. Why cant i? Please guys. Stop blaming me. Stop punishing me. Stop cursing me. And stop discriminating me. Please, stop it. I dont want to be like dis. I dont want to be dis ugly.


Stop hurting me with your words, peeps.

I noe Im ugly. But PLEASE.

Stop bringing me down.


Cant you just let me live my own life with my ugliness?


why must u hurt me?


I noe i am ugly. I am aware that i am ugly.

But trust me, I dont to be ugly.

I really dont want too.

zillioonsss to update!

todie, is mondie.i have ziliionssss of stories to update!


let me start with me, spending 3nights and four days at renaissance hotel. it was, fun, boring, sad, happy, pissed, all mood combined together, and i dun noe how i really2 feel. tido sane since, rabu, hinggalah ke sabtu tengahri. sabtu, check out.

saye happy, saye sedih, saye bosan, saye gembira, saya ketawa, saya menanges dan bermacam lagi. tak perlulah nak cerita part2 yang sedih, sebab dah malas dah nak cite benda sedeh ni. suke sgt tido hotel, sampaikan aku ponteng skola ari jumaat. hihihiih. cikgu jenis ape ni? heh? saye kesah ke? hehe.


move on! makan dinner kat bora ombak! tomyam sedap! nyum2. lapar perot.. adeh! hehehe. makanan murah, tempat cantek, so, okayla. not dat good and not dat bad. average. but i give an A for the view & decoration. aku dah pegi sini lame dulu. ingat saja la nak bawak 'ketat' makan sini. unfortunately, he doesnt really like dat place. nevermind then :)

pretty nice view aite? :)

okay now, lets move on toooooo....
ECLIPSE!
hahahah.


owh well, my deary, now. im no longer in edward's team! im in Jacob team babehhh! Jacob!
J for Jacob. He is so damn mother effin' hawt! cannot angkat leyy! haha. edward and bella? BORINGG! the storyline? Quite BORING~ as well. Jacob? Wow~! Stunning! Mouth watering! Slurpsss! Juicy dan Lazattt!
Saya mahu Jacob. Beri saya Jacob!!

Nak pelokkkkkk!!! *xoxo*

To me, Jacob is the hottest creature on earth.! Ops, let me rephrase. Jacob is the hottest teenage on earth. slurrrrpss!!

and....what actually should I say bout this
one? He is freaking-ly hot!

Jacob ni mmg idaman lar. haih, perfect sangat kejadian die tu.

sangat jejaka.!

sangat citarasaaa!!

aku cerita pendek2 je la k. tak larat la nak update panjang2.

habes cite pasal Jacob, cite pasal ayam penyet pulak. gi makan ayam penyet kat subang, sampai berhingus hingus idung. u shud try guys. they are quite gud. lazoat. tp pedas gila. cannot tahan. tp ofcourse la slurpy kan! slurp! hehe, gemok, gemok. tak guna diet.

ni la ayam penyet yang slurpy tu. gila rajen aku upload gamba. aku tak dapat sebarang royalti atau bayaran ye, harap maklum! haha. u shud try la. okay je. tak rugi kalau pegi. takde la hebat mana, but still, sedap gituww :)



penat la.. ape lagi aku nak cakap?


shiat! ada lagi!


whoott, whoo0tt! went to klCC, masuk kedai Fred Perry. tak penah2. saje je nak masuk. aku pon teros meluru ke arah kasut2 wanita. tgk dan tengok je la tnpa perasaan ingin memiliki yang melampau. tiba2 ada suara bertanya, "tanak ke kasut tu? ameklaa. amek yang hujung tu". hati aku teros bersinar, dan ade bunyik, chinggggggggggggg!!! macam pinggan yg baru lepas kene cuci ngan sabun axion! aku pon amekla sepasang kasut berwarna p utih. yg berhargaa AGAK MAHAL bagi aku utk sepasang kasut. tapi, takpela. Suara tu terlalu suka kasut tu. jadi nak tak nak, aku TERPAKSA amek :p

dan, inilah dia yang digembar gemburkan.

taraaaaaaaa!

korang nak ckp, mcm kasut skola ke, tak cantek ke, ape ke, lantak korang la. but to me, i like it as much as dat voice loves it! :)



last but not least,
i ended my weekend, by watching eclipse for the 2nd time, but this time, platinum ticket. tp, aku tertidur halfway, sbb sangat comfy. zzzz, aku risau je org dengar aku berdengkur, hahaha. takot. malu!

dahla.. aku penat. nak tidoooo. ngntokkk.. penatt..stress jugak sbenanye at the same time. byeeeeeee!

yours.

I don't wanna be your friend,

I just wanna be your lover.

No matter how it ends,

No matter how it start.


with <3

Birthday Gift-SSR TYPE C

ssr type-c 17".
thanks sayang for this bfday gift.
really2 appreciate this.
you know how bad i want dis. :D
i am happy.
even though its like, 7days late, but it doesnt matter!
i am so darn happy.
thanks.
million of thanksss!!
*peck on ur cheek*
xoxo

hati sentap, jiwa kacau.

hati sentap. hari isnin dan selasa, im going to be observed! aiyaaa. rase nak nanges ni. dada sesak, napas sesak. kacau bilau.

research kene reject. haih!

ape ni?

nak buat lessonplan pon aku malas ni.
bagila aku ketenangan jiwa.

22 years ago

22 years ago, when my mum knew that she had me in her womb, she decided to get rid of me, she decided to abort me, because she cant stand the mrning sickness and so on. but, eventually, one of my uncle told her to keep me. after my uncle convinced her, she had no other choice other than keeping me.

Now here I am. Look at me. Growing up as a mistake. Im a 22 year old mistake.

when my aunty told me about this story, i was just about 9-10 years old, i guess. mase tu aku tak rase ape2 pon. perasaan, nuetral.

tapi bila dah besar, benda ni kadang2 datang n cucuk2 hati aku. apesal? aku pon taktau. kenape? maybe sbb, makin besar, aku makin sedar yg im just a mistake. yang aku ni actually, unwanted child, versi halal.

pathetic rite?

haih.

If i can go back to 1988, i will tell my mother to abort me. dont think twice. just abort me. i wouldnt mine.

Mom, if you abort me 22years ago, I swear dat im not gonna blame you. look at me. You are making a big mistake in your life.

tears.

tears on my bfday, lame? yeah, pretty lame.
i dun what gets in to me, but Im just sad. he made me sad.
die kate, 'sorry, aye lupe arini bfday iye'
wtf man? aku baru je ingatkan kau, few hours before my day begun.
you spoiled my day. you just turn it to be the worse nightmare.
my bday, is the day where ppl making mistake. ppl referring to my parents.
they are making a mistake by having me.

;(

im in a massive sadness.
and today is very pathetic.
i just wanna lie down and cry.
nothing else.

bufday

28th June.

haih,

and as to you, the first You, the most important person in my life, thanks for not remembering my bday.

and to the second you. i need nothing from you. still i can srvive. just save ur money for ur coach bag.

thanks.

U.S.H.E.R!!

Usher Live in Malaysia 2010

Date: 7 July 2010
Time: 8:30pm
Venue: National Stadium, Bukit Jalil

Ticket Price: RM488, RM288, RM188 ( Numbered Seat )
RM428, RM348 ( Rock Zone Free Standing )
RM98 ( Free Seating )

One ticket admits one person only. No child sharing seat or babies in arms.

All children aged 3 and above are required to purchase ticket for admission. No admission for child aged below 3.

Call Galaxy Hotline at 03-2282 2020 or Axcess Hotline at 03-7711 5000 for further details.

USHER COMES TO MALAYSIA? NO KIDDING MAN!

But.. Wednesday? Why? Whats up with wednesday?

kenape tak saturday? knapa wednesday? besoknye aku bekerjaaa! but i really2 i wanna go n watch his show. pleaseee?

Siapa aku nak ayat nak ajak pegi niiii? Naaakkkkkk :(

NAKKKK!!!!!!!!



I will try my very2 best to b thre! Adios!

sa..yu

Sayu hati.
Bukan nya tak bersyukur, tapi.. entahlah.
aku sayu. aku sedih.
*sigh*

Bila Rindu

"bila rindu, terkenangmu sayang kurasa sayu, syahdunya jiwaku bila malam, makin kelam, jauh terbang diriku melayang.
aku rindu sentuhanmu kurasa sayu, inginkan jiwamu selubungi jiwa ini
bawaku dalam pelangi melepasi segala hati ini"

that iis what i feel now. i miss you. i miss you! I MISS YOU and i feel like crying everytime i miss you. come back please? Im yearning to hug you sooo damn tight! i love you. and yes, i miss u so badly now.



;(

Entry ni aku dedicate khas untuk Siti Hadijah.

Jah, dah berapa lama kita kawan? :D
Dah berapa lama kita kenal? ;p kau pon slalu tanye aku soklan ni kan? hihi.
meh aku jawab, kite kenal, dah seumur idup. kite bekawan dah semenjak azali.
kite dah lalui macam2 benda sama2.

memakai vest ke 7 eleven.
slurpee campor.
mengukir nama di dinding rumah pontian.
5 minit (2x)
berjumpe dua jejaka di midvalley? *haha*
abang dada soft naik avanza? hahahaha
modesto jb?
lang di pavilion? :D

macam2 pengalaman kite dah share sama2. macam2 benda.
kita dah gadoh, baik, gadoh baik, salah paham, kecik ati, iri ati, macam2.

And now, kau tengah bersedih sebab si arwah. sikit sebanyak, aku terasa gak ape yg kau rase.
bila kau msg, kau ckp kau JK, aku harap aku ade dekat dengan kau, so dat i can be your clown n make you happy.

walaupun mase kau dgn arwah dulu kau lgsg tak pedulikan aku, but it doesnt matter. mmg la aku rase kecik ati mase tu, tapi aku cuba untuk faham, orang tengah bercinta.

ape motip aku tulis entry ni pon aku taktau. saje je nak tulis, sebab aku malas nak buat keje skola.

skarang ni, ape yang aku nak cakap kat kau.....

1. lupekan si arwah.
2. move on. aku tau kau boleh.
3. he's just not good enough for you.
4. you deserve someone better.
5. he dun deserve any of ur tears.
6. and there's no point crying over spilt milk. *senang nye berkata kata. haha*
7. im always there if u need me.
8. i can be ur clown whenever u want. *wpun aku seorg guru sbenanye*
9. and please stop the grieving moment.


Siti Hadijah Isa, percayalah, suatu hari nanti, sinar kebahgiaan akan menjelma. InsyaAllah. :)

telephone

It is cold, in this June rain
I go to turn on TV
Sit on the couch feeling blue
Wait till the phone starts too ring
I start to think you forgot
Just as you always do
I don’t want to hear your excuse blah..blah.blah
‘Cause it all makes my day turn to gray

Feeling bored, it starts to haunt me again
I start to discover some clues
Wondering what you have done
Everything went really bad
I started feel very mad
Just as I always do
I don’t want to hear your excuse blah..blah..blah
‘Cause it all makes my day turn to gray

The time passes me by
As I listen to lullaby
When the phone start to ring

I am drowning in my dream

Menjadi jadi

hari hujan. sejub. perasaan itu semakin menjadi jadi.

haih, kenapa ni? kenape sangat rindu? rasa macam nak nyanyi lagu aisyah jer.

"pulanglah kumerinduimu sayang, kumenanti dengan jiwa raga"

ketat, balekla cepat. buat ape dok laot tu lama2. bukannye ada ape2. saye rindu terok ni. tak tipu.
kenape tanak balek ni. tak ingat kat GF ke? Haish!

perasaan ni cube la pegi jauh2. shuhhh2! aku tak sker la ade perasaan macam ni. nanti nak buat semua keje tak boleh. :(

BALEK!! BALEK!! BALEK!!

Aku bagi masa smpai jumaat. kalau jumaat ni kau tak balek, siap kauuuuuuuuuuuu!! aku gigit perot kau sampai kurus! baleklaaaa! nak suruh balek pon susah sangat. tak faham laaaa..

bukannye reti nak call ke, snd email ke ape ke. haih.

penat dah aku mengeluh.

KETAT NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!

Hey, I have a model type of a body

"You must feel good. You must feel good about You. This is important, because you cannot attract your perfect weight if you feel bad about your body now. if you feel bad about your body, that is a powerful feeling, and you will continue to attract bad feeling about your body. You will never change your body if you are critical of it and find fault with it, and in fact you will attract more weight to you. praise and bless every square inch of your body. think about all the perfect things about You. as you think perfect thoughts, as you feel good about You, you ar on the frequency of your perfect weight, and you are summoning perfection."

REALLY??

okay!

You know what, I think my body is gorgeous. i have shakira's curve on my body. and i loveeeeee my flabby belly. love itt! muahhh!!

GuguGaga Language.

gugugaga language. tau ape tu gugugaga language? gugugaga ni, bahasa yang kite selalu guna bila bercakap dengan baby2. bahasa yang tiut miut, comel2 tu. haha. well, family aku mmg terkenal dgn gugugaga language kitorang yang tersendri. not only gugugaga language, kitorang ade term2 sendri yang tak mungkin dapat difahami oleh masyarakat luar. dalam bahasa yg lebih berilmiah, ia dipanggil sebagai jargon mahupun register.

Okay, back to gugugaga business. Saya dan siketat juge mempunyai gugugaga lg kami yang tersendri. bahasa dimana kami gunakan tatkala sedang bahagia dan jauh dari segala bencana pergaduhan. haha.

Maybe, kalau orang dengar, orang akan geli, loya dan lain2. but, who cares? this is us. hehe. kami dah start bergugugaga ni since baru2 kenal lagi. n we feel more comfortable using dat kinda language.

Apebila menggunakan gugugaga language, saya rasa lebih dihargai lah. haha.

berikut ini adalah beberapa diantara perkataan yang sering kami gunakan:

1. jejub = sejuk
2. tantok = ngantok
3. dindu = rindu
4. ririn = rindu
5. mimin = rindu
6. kakan = makan
7. dido = tido
8. wuwit = duit
9. takwuit = takde duit
10. kakot = takot
11. memas bebeg = kemas beg

banyak lagi la aku pon tak dapat nak recall semua benda ni sekarang.

ape yang penting, aku mmg suke ber gugugaga. kalau boleh, aku nak guna bahasa tu all the time. :D

dan ape yang penting sekarang, aku mindu nak bergugu gaga dengan dia. *sayu* hahaha.


Okay. not lets move on to the next lesson. since im a language teacher, so, we only going to learn about language. hehe. tapi language ni, language yang cume family aku je faham. aku ulang sekali lagi, CUMA FAMILY aku yang faham. family tu dah termasuk saudara mara, pakcik makcik dan cucu cicit lar. hehe.

sume orang akan pelik bile dengar kitorang cakap bahasa2 macam ni. bagi kitorng benda ni normal, and ni semua adalah jargon dan term2 yang telah dicipta sekian lama dalam tradisi family. and we called it as "bahasa mejun"

Sekarang anak2, mari kita belajar bahasa mejun! haha. bukan jepun, tapi mejun!

1. mengkot = merajok
2. ngusang = memberi tekanan, bertanya tanpa henti, mendesak.
3. sintalin = gemok atau chubby
4. topan berlelah = busuk
5. pekong = busuk
6. atah = manja
7. paroh = pussy *ops, kantol*
8. maklah = pussy gak. haha
9. Balong = penis. *haha*
10. lelor = buang
11. hencet = tinggalkan
12. cemo = hodoh
13. hengkek = sombong, belagak
14. melelas = melecet
15. ngepak = menunjuk nunjuk

ttu je la yang dapat aku fikirkan sekarang ni. lain2 tak ingat la. kene bercakap dgn native speaker dulu barulah terhambur semua perkataan. hehehe. okayla tu. sekurang kurang nye, hari ni jer, korang dah tambah 15 new vocabulary. bukan senang tau, lagi2 pulak ni semua jenis low frequency words. :D

korang kite beruntung. haha.

dahlah. bosan.

bilik banyak semut.

semut cari gadoh.

kaki merah2, kena gigit.

kuang haja punye semot. pehalkau!

kenapa ni, pelik la.

kenapa perasaan rindu semakin menjadi jadi ni? isk. padahal baru je brape hari. slama ni pergi berbulan bulan, tak rasa rindu yang macam ni. kali je pelik sikit. rindu. haih! hurm.

tapi..


alahai. rindunyer



;(


balek la cepat. perlu ke lame2 sangat offshore? tak perlu rasanya.


saya rindu ni. balekla cepat.


R

I

N

D

U


...



.....


nak bau pipi sikit...




Boleh?



;(

"kicik dale suar" Part 2

duduk kat dalam bilik guru sambil memegang pen, mengalter lesson plan itu dan ini. tengok kanan, nampak sorang cikgu ni. aku tak baik sangat ngan dia. aku tengok balek buku aku.

tak lama lepas tu, aku tengok kanan lagi. perasaan membuak-buak aku semakin menjadi. nak tanye ke tanak, nak tanye ke tanak. aku diam lagi.

last-last, aku tak dapat tahan, aku teros bersuara, "Kak, kalau budak terberak dalam seluar ape nak buat kak? Smalam saya kena relief satu class dajah 5, ada budak terberak dalam seluar. saya taktau nak buat apa"

Kakak tu reply. "Srivijay ke?"

Aku tak faham. Aku kate "Hahh?"

Akak tu balas lagi, "Budak lelaki India, gempal2 ke?"

"Haaaa, dia laa!" kata aku.

"Dia tu memang selalu berak dalam seluar. tak boleh nak buat ape la. kalau die berak dalam seluar, kite kene buat taktau je la. dia mmg selalu la macam tu."

aku rasa macam nak gelak guling-guling.

sampai cikgu suma dah kenal dengan dia. tau nama. tau pe'el klaku dia.

Srivijay jadi popular sbb selalu 'kicik dale suar!'

haha.

Bangang.

"kicik dale suar"

smalam, aku kene relief satu class ni. Darjah lima. aku tak sure Lima apa. aku kena relief dari 1030 smpai 100pm. can u imagine? itu takpa lagi. dok la aku buat aktiviti itu dan ini, tiba2. ada bau semerbak. aku tak dapat nak tangkap lagi bau datang dari mana.

aku pon toleh kanan.

toleh kiri.

Haaa! Aku dah tau dah sumber bau ni dtg dari siapa. sebab budak2 yang lain semuanya menunding jari ke arah beliau.

Seorang budak lelaki India berbadan gempal dan bermulut becok.

Mula2, aku expect, tu adalah bau tubuh badan beliau.

tapi, lama kelamaan, bau tu semakin familiar dan meloyakan. aku pon cakap kat anis.


"Nis, budak ni berak dalam seluar ni."


Anis membalas.


"Takla Intan. Mulot dia yang bau."


"Takk.. Dia terberak dalam seluarr.." aku meyakinkan Anis.


Setelah mendapatkan komfomasi dari pelajar lain, dan dapat menghidu bau itu dengan lebih dekat, anis mula percaya dgn kata2 aku. tekak aku rasa kembang.


Budak tu tanak duduk. puas aku cakap, "duduk tempat masing2~!!" tapi dia ignore je. mungkin dia tak nak duduk sbb die takot tahi die penyeks.

die dengan muke slumber berjalan sekeliling kelas, dan menanguk dimeja guru. aku dah tak bole blah dgn bau busuk. mungkin die rasa, die wangi ataupun tahi dia berbau neutral dan orang lain tak dpt menghidu bau tahi dia sbb tu die slumber je.

dia dtg, aku ckp lagi. duduk tempat kamu, duduk tempat kamu!

beberapa minit selepas itu, aku meninggalkan kelas tu kepada anis.

anis terpaksa menanggung bau demau itu keseorangan tanpa ketiadaan aku.

What an experience.

Tsk. Tsk, Tsk.

hey you.

hey you.




i can't sleep.





i didnt do my assignments.






and i think i miss you.






hey you.






come back.






i miss you so badly.







cant wait to hug you.






cant wait to kiss your cheek.






hey you.






i miss you.






hey you.






I LOVE YOU

My Kinda Guy

Just look at how charming he is. I mean, really really really charming.


GggGGgggRrRrRrR~~~~!!!!!!!!



.talking about dream guy, i believe dat semua perempuan/lelaki ade ciri2 lelaki idaman masing2 :D and so do I.



Tapi kadang2, selera aku terhadap seorang lelaki akan berubah mengikut waktu, masa dan juga cuaca tatkala itu. Aku taktau ape kene mengena. tapi itulah dia. hehe.



Kalau cakap pasal appearance lelaki idaman aku, ada beberapa ciri yang tak pernah berubah daripada aku form 5 dulu. Dan ciri2 berikot adalah:

1. Dark Skin
2. Bald hair (more preferable)
3. Tall
4. Hell no to skinny or skeleton kinda guy
5. And i dun mind with chubby, tubby or fat guy. i find them charming, well, sometimes :D

Tapi, seperti yang aku cakap tadi, selera aku berubah2 mengikut situasi. Seperti gamba kekaseh hati aku kat atas tu, well, kepala die tak botak, rambot panjang jer. but, who can say no to him? gilaa kaaa? GILAA KACAAAKKKK!!



Im having tiny orgasm just by looking at his picture. LOL! No kidding man. haha.



kalau bercakap pasal perwatakan lelaki idaman pulak. well, aku prefer orang yang kelakar, hormat orang, especially orang tua, TAK KEDEKUT, and dat guy musst be smarter than me. at least, slightly smarter than me. aku ni pembuli, semenjak azali. so, kalau aku dapat lelaki yng lebih tak bijak dari aku, aku tau aku akan pandang rendah dan pijak kepala dia. so, aku tak bole.



aku lately ni, koya. bercakap pasal lelaki, engagement and so on. sebab. aku. koya nak kawen. haha. haih. banyak sgt hormon progesteron dalam badan aku ni kot?




i think. i better stop writing now. aku nak kene buat lessonplan untuk hari esok. research proposal? argh! stress nyer. aku nak brenti blajar. nak kawen. plish? :(



I miss someone.




Let me out of here.





I hate schools.





I hate being a teacher.




Im tired of being hypocrite.





I just want to be me. And teaching is really2 not ME.






OUT.

engagement.

hari tu, kitorang pegi tengok cincin, dekat Diamond Platinum. saje2 jer tengok. takde agenda ape2 pon :D
bila dah tengok cincin, aku pon ape lagi, mula la berangan, nak pakai baju ape, colour ape, macam2 berlegar legar dalam otak aku ni. berbual bual pasal hantaran, dia kata, kalau ada jodoh, dia bagi 9 dulang, aku kena balas 11 dulang. kadang2 aku pikir, knape pompuan kena bagi lelaki lebih? patotnye lelaki yg kena bgi pompuan lebih, sbb pompuan lagi banyak keperluan dari lelaki. betol tak? kalau nak bagi laki 11 dulang, nak bagi ape jer? hurmmm..

1. Sirih Junjung
2. kasut
3. jam
4. Cake
5. Buah2
6. Baju
7. Seluar
8. coklat??
9. perfume
10. ..........?
11. .........????

kalau nak bagi pompuan, mcm2 bole beli. perfume, handbeg, jam, kasut, makeup 1set, lingerie, ahaks! ehhehe, cukup2la berangan tu. tak kemana semua tu angan2 tu.


korang doa2kan la jodoh aku cepat sikit sampai. sbb aku dah tak sabar nak kawen dah ni. betol! haha. tak sabar okay! :D
kalau boleh. mase engagemnt aku nanti, aku nak pakai baju yaaang sanggat simple. Simple yet sweet. I loike. aku tanak la yang kelam beria sgt. makeup pon, aku tanak la yg smokey2 eyes sume ni, wtf. aku nak tunang je kot, bukan nak gi club. :p


these are some examples of my dream engagement. i want it to be as simple as these:

i love it! :)

caci hamun, tengking maki.

aku ni, jadi tempat die caci, tengking2, maki hamun. "hey bitch, kau nak ape, babi, sial, pegi mampos, pukimak, etc." kadang2, aku call dgn niat baik, tapi aku kene tengking, kena herdik. kadang2 aku call just nak tanye die dah smpai ke, tapi tetap, aku kene tengking, kene maki. kenape aku? knape die buat aku mcm ni? ape salah aku? die tak nampak ke macam mane aku ikhlas dgn die slama ni? aku dah tak larat nak menanges. tiap kali aku kene tengking, tiap kali tu jugak la mata aku bergenang tahan nanges, tiap tu jugakla dada aku sebak tahan saket, mase tu jugakla hati aku sayu tahan sedih. beribu kali aku tanye soklan ni, kenape aku? kenape aku dia layan mcm ni? kenapa dgn prompuan lain, die bole je layan elok2, tapi kenapa tak dgn aku? ape salah aku dekat dia smpai die buat aku mcm ni skali? bertahun tahun aku syg dia, bertahun tahun aku menaruh harapan yang tinggi dekat dia, tpi tengoklah ape yg die bagi dekat aku bertahun tahun ni.

him: i dont know long u gonna treat me like im just a bit of dirt. trust me dear, i really love you. why cant appreciate me? cant you just treat me nicely? how long must i cry? how long must i try to win ur heart again.
Lord: if he is mine, then please bless our relationship. permudahkan lah jalan kami. tapi kalau dia bukan diciptakan utk aku, kau bukakkan la hati aku utk lepaskan dia.

yes, oh yes! I dont want too.

Oh yes I love you and I don’t want to break up. No, pleaseee. No!