17 hours after

It’s been 17hours after he told me that he wants me no more. Ryte now, at this moment, I feel chocked, I cant breathe, I feel like im drowning in my own tears. I dun remember how it feels to be single. I don’t remember how my life was before his presence. I dun remember anything about my life, except being with him. I cant stop crying. I start to miss him the moment he said, “I want you to disappear”.

How am going to deal with this situation? Waking up tomorrow, knowing the fact that he’s no longer mine, how am I going to deal with it? 5 years, not a short period of time. It is five damn years for God sake. Why it has to be so hurt. The memories that we had keep haunting me. How we used to tickle each other, how we used to say goodbye at the end of every conversation, how we used to sing together in the car, the house dat ur planning to buy for you, me and our future children, Lord, im just so sad.

You told me, “I cant stand you anymore. There is no her. I want nobody right now. Not even you. I just want you to disappear. I want to be alone”

No matter what you said to me, no matter how harsh your words to me, you know that I still love you, and always will. Yes, I still love you and I don’t hate you. How can I hate you when you are the person that I love the most?

I know that u probably wont read this, but I just wanna tell you that I love you. And you have no idea how much I love you..

“To hate someone that we love is the hardest thing to do”

damn hurt

You don't know how it hurts.

conflict

for this past few days, things are getting worse between me and him. i cant see where and what went wrong. i had enough of all this thing. i want to walk away so badly but i just cant..

.

just want you to see how badly you hurt me...

pretend

In the end
i'll always pretend
pretend I'm okay
it doesn't matter anyway

he doesnt want me
I just wanna cry
I never got to say goodbye

I was okay before
now it hurts even more
just kill me now
I dont care how

i'm fucking deppressed
angry and repressed
I want to throw things
I dont care what

I want to cry
I dont care where
I want to die
I want to get high

i'm so fucking angry
whats the point
I try so hard
i'm such a fucking retard

punch me, kick me, tear at my thoat
i'd let you drown me in a moat
I dont care anymore
I was such a whore

I fucked everything up
I made my own mess
the battlefield in my head
the cold cracked heart
barely bbeating in my chest

i'm a mess
my feelings are too hard to surpress
I want this to end
I dont want to pretend

shoot me dead
slit my wrists on the bed
overdose on pills
drown in a lake surrounded by hills

it's no use
I dont want attention
I can't deal with the abuse

what a fucked up world
what a fucked up life
I can't take it anymore
just give me the knife

me likey.

The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naïve forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget." -Thomas Szasz

once upon a time when you WERE mine.

Once upon a time when you were mine,

I don’t appreciate you at all.

I ditched you; I yelled and scream at you, I made the fool out of you.

But you still there waiting for me patiently—

Waiting for me to give you my love eagerly.

But I just couldn’t care less about you.

I don’t give a shit that I had hurt you,

I don’t care that I made you cried.

But when your love was no longer mine,

I started to see how much you appreciate me,

How sincere you are when you’re with me,

And how happy I am with you as my company.

I just realized that you are the one, who can comfort me when I’m feeling blue,

You’ll go down with me every time I need you,

And no one else can do it as good as you.

But, I just realized all this things when it’s already too late.

When there’s no way I can make you mine again.

And here I am, living with the regrets and the unhappiness that will never ends.

kemas!

Nampak tak gamba budak ketat kat atas ni? Name dia, Qashrina

Budak kecik ni, manje melampau. Walaupun die kecik, tapi die besar. Hehe. Tadi aku pegi la amek die dekat tadika kemas. Harini hari kedua dia masuk tadika. Sampai-sampai je aku kat tadika tu. Aku turun dari kereta, dan aku teros terdengar, UWAAAAAAAAA!! Suare budak kecik nanges, aku dah boleh agak dah kenape. Hehe, aku pegi je kt pintu, budat kecit ni tengah nanges sambil hentak2 kaki. Hakhakhak, homeynyeee~!! Kelaka je tengok budak2 kecit gi skola. Kene que, kene angkat kusi, kene tegakkan barisan, hoohhohoh. Tibe2 je, aku teringat, macamane aku nak deal ngan budak2 kecit ni nanti. Hehe.kasut masing2 ade tulis nama pakai marker, hehe omel. Tak sabarrr! Haaaha. Gedik. Owh, by the way, mak die cakap kat aku yg baju skola die yg tadika tu provided tak muat utk die. So mak die kene upah orang jahit. Haha lagi. Aku sukeee je dengki budak kecik ni. Mak cakap time kecik2, aku sama macam die. Yeah, I can see dat. Haha. Daripada kat tadika, sampai ke dalam kereta, sampai la ke dalam rumah, menangis teresak esak tak stop. Tapi mase tengah nanges tu, sempat lagi becakap dalam nada sedu sedan, “Kat buku skola Ina dapat bintang.” Hehehe. Aku dahlame nak giget die. Aku terase nak giget die.. tapi.. aku tak sampai ati sbb die tengah menanges.. menanges punya menanges, sampai la die tertidurr.. haa kat bawah ni gmba budak2 kat tadika tadi. It was an overwhelming experience, I guess. Hoho, yela aku kan takde adek. So tak penah pon hantar or amek sape2 dari skola. So, lepas ni. Kalo aku nak hantar anak aku gi tadika, at least aku dah ade experience ;p