To someone i used to called fren.

Im missing someone I used to called fren. My old fren. Long lost fren. N I’d like to address him as A. I knew A 4years ago, in one of the social networking website, which I called, mespes. I remembered sending him a comment, sounds like this, “baju awak sama ngan baju bf saya”. And starting from that moment, WE became friends. We YM, texting, calling, hang out, sharing probs and so forth. I used to lean him my shoulder every time he feels blue, I used to be the one he looked for when he wanted to share problem. I used to be the one he’ll call when he wanted to cry. Obviously, all I can say, I used to be his close friend. But now, what kills me the most…. I no longer have him as my friend. He started to ignore me, since last year, for no fucking reason, or the least I can say, without me knowing why. Yes. It kills me. I texted him, -no reply. I posted a comment to him, -no reply as well. I bumped into him, then I try to say hi to him, but the saddest thing is, he ignored me. So obviously, he hated me now. For what reason? Only God knows.
Trust me when I say, I really2 sad about all this. I mean like, seriously. I took a sneak peek at his FB. Not to stalk, just to look. I don’t know for what reason, but I feel sad, real sad to see his pictures. I feel sad, to see his laughing with his other friends. ‘why im not there? Why im not one of his frens anymore, why?’ those kinda questions keep linger in my head.

The question is WHY.

WHY he hated me so much now. What I’ve done wrong?

Dear A,
I don’t know why you hate me so much. Seriously I have no idea. But for whatever reasons you have, I just want u to know, dat I miss having u as my frens. I miss having u as my buddy. N I miss lending you my shoulder when u need a place to cry. I miss our friendship. And for whatever reason that makes you hate me so much, I jst want u to bear in mind dat, I’m happy dat I had a chance to have a friend like you. And I cherish every single moment of our frenship. And I always have been sincere to you.

So, I apologize if I made something that obviously made u hate me, please knw tat I didn’t mean any of it. And I really, really, really, really, really, miss the time when we used to be friend….. it kills me to know that u hate me so. It just kills me.

;(
I MISS YOU A - - A -

A little prayer

kalau DIA membawa kebaikan pada diriku, agamaku, keluargaku dan masa depanku, kau pertemukanlah jodohku dengannya. Tapi kalau sebaliknya, maka kau jauhkanlah dia dariku dan bukakan pintu hatiku untuk redha menerimanya.

Amin. >.<

hurt

i took my 2years-untouched-diary with a pen on my hand.
i feel like writing. and when i feel like writing, i noe that is when im hurting.
and of course, im hurting rite now. and that is why i am moving my fingers to tab here and there to share my sadness with the world.
Well, my engagement day supposedly will due in 16days from today.
i dont know. i dont know why it is so hard for me to be happy. i just want a pretty simple life, with happiness as my asset. he keeps on changing his mind. one minute, he'll say, the engagement is on, and the other minute, he'll say 'lets call it off'.
what am i here?


Dear,
even if you don't care about my feelings, about what i feel, at least pls consider about my family. about my mother who loves you like her own flesh n blood.
u hurt me enough. thats ok with me.
but pls,
dont hurt my family.
they're all i got.
I love you. and if you dont feel the same way, pls stop toying with my feelings.
its only 16 fucking days left.






Tuhan,kalau DIA membawa kebaikan pada diriku, agamaku, keluargaku dan masa depanku,
Ya Allah kau pertemukanlah jodohku dengannya. Tapi kalau sebaliknya, maka kau jauhkanlah dia dariku
dan bukakan pintu hatiku untuk redha menerimanya. Amin.