4 and a half years later

I hate the way you lie to me

I hate the games you play

I hate how you act like you don't care

as if everything is OK

I hate the way you walk

in and out of my life

I hate the way I was ignorant

and imagined becoming your wife

I hate the way you sucked me in

just to leave me here alone

I hate the way you can live without me

cant even pick up the phone

I hate the way you make me feel

as if I'm not worth a dime

I hate the way you push me aside

like your too busy to have the time

But mostly what I hate

is the emotional investment that I made

Has turned out to be nothing

but a memory that time will fade

the vampire in me.

me and my buddy, Anis, just watched the twilight movie, yes, we are SOOOOO yesterday.. haha, the movie is soo last year, but only get a chance to watch the movie few days past. But its ok then cause, the 2nd movie, Newmoon twilight Saga will be showing in cinema this 28. i cnt wait, and when i said i cant wait, it means, i really cant.
Ryte now, i am so madly deeply crazily in love with the character of Robert Pattinson in the movie. I am fucking-ly in Love with Edward Cullen! Omg! Im having a hard time dealing with a fact that Edward Cullen is a fictional character. I am so fucked up! i got his picture on my lappy's wallpaper, my cellphone screensaver, and I need to watch the movie everytime i want to sleep. yes, i am so fucked up.
How i wish i can be a vampire now. The character of Edward Cullen was superb! he was caring, protective, macho-macho man, and his stare, makes me lose the sanity in me.

Edward!! Marry me, will you?

haih, i feel like kissing him, im so fucked up! and im soo in love with him! Owh yes Edward, im in love with ya. ;)

lets talk about one thing called, Boyfriend.

When we talk about bf, i wonder do i really need one?
If I answered, i need a bf in my life, my mind questioned me,

why?
why do you really need one?
do u really need a man to be happy?
cant u just be happy without a man?
will he makes you happy for the rest of ur life?

Aiyo, i dun have the answer with me. sometimes im thinking, why im still with my bf?
he doesnt make me happy, not anymore.
he does not concern about me. he treated me like im a full of shit.
he doesnt care bout my feelings.
but why?
why am i still with him?
owh how i wish i have the answer to dat question.

The only reason dat i have, Im jst scared to be alone. Im scared if i lose him, i'll be alone for the rest of my life. im scared that he's just the only guy dat wants me.
the question still remain, why do i need a guy in my life?
can i jst be happy when im alone?
with no one there to fucking hurt my feelings.
this question, is very subjective.
i dun want to complicate my "already-complicated-relationship".
dats why im still here, waiting for him, though he treats me like Im nothing.
Out peeps!

avoiding

i've been avoiding calls from my family for 2days now.
my mum call me like, 100 times today but still i refused to answer the call.
i dun noe. im not showing my egoistic to my own mother.
maybe i just need some time of my own. time to think.
time to relax my mind, time to... i dun noe. just time for my own.
yesterday, i wish dat i have my bf to listen to me. butt... butttttt!
i dun noe. he's jst not the rite person. he cant comfort me, he cant make me happy. he makes me feel even worse. owh how i hate the man that i love. hum.
im in a very bad state of mood. nak buat assgnment malas buat tu malas buat ni malas sume malas.
duit takde itu takde ini takde. argh~! i want meth! give me meth!

stress state

i wish i hve his shoulder ryte now.
i need to cry on it :(

friday the 13th.

For these past few weeks, there are too many pressure dat i have to deal with.
Microteaching, stupid lesson plan for dummies, cut & paste, colouring, printing, wasting money, blablabla. i hve no life now. life aku skarang, lesson plan, microteaching, mahjong paper, manila card, slide show n sume bende2 tu.
i hve no time to watch movies, i hve no time to shop, i hve no time to do anything.
to be exAct, i also have no money.
hari ni, class macam *maki*. aku dan kawan2 dah berkersama, bersengkang mata siapkan benda bodoh utk budak2 kcik tu, tibe2 lecturer plak gile nak touching2. and we have to redo the thing! Arghh!!! i hve no time for all this crap. i need a break. Oh yes I need a break Lord.
:(

Friday the 13th, some say, it could be the good or bad day for you.
And as for me, it was really2 a bad day for me. Really. Im too sad to be able to write it down here.. let me just keep it by myself.