me, devastated

Right now, when I was crying in my bed, you were sleeping peacefully in your bed. When I was screaming regretting what had happened to us, you were laughing happily with your friends. When I was so sad reminiscing our memories, you were too busy creating new memories. When I was crying down on my knees thinking about you, you were smiling thinking about someone new. Since the day u dumped me, haven’t you ever thought about me? Don’t you remember our memories? Don’t you miss me at all? Don’t you still love me? Even a little? How can you be so damn cruel?....

Ugly betty or ugly ME?

I still remember he said, “Babe, do you know Ugly Betty?”

and I said, “Yeah, why?” he replied,

“You know what? You look exactly like her.

Your hair, your dressing, well...”

Why don’t you just say that, Babe, you are so ugly and I had enough of watching your ugly face. And im going to dump you very soon, so soon, so dat I can get rid of seeing your ugly and stupid face! Of course I know Ugly Betty. I noe her and I am uglier than her, so what? You still want me at the first place, don’t you?

Note to Creator

Lord,

If you create me to be someone who doesn’t deserves the happiness,

Then, I don’t deserve to live in this world.

Take me Lord, for I’m your property.

Always ready as I am.

memory

Well, now it just a memory.
=(

17 hours after

It’s been 17hours after he told me that he wants me no more. Ryte now, at this moment, I feel chocked, I cant breathe, I feel like im drowning in my own tears. I dun remember how it feels to be single. I don’t remember how my life was before his presence. I dun remember anything about my life, except being with him. I cant stop crying. I start to miss him the moment he said, “I want you to disappear”.

How am going to deal with this situation? Waking up tomorrow, knowing the fact that he’s no longer mine, how am I going to deal with it? 5 years, not a short period of time. It is five damn years for God sake. Why it has to be so hurt. The memories that we had keep haunting me. How we used to tickle each other, how we used to say goodbye at the end of every conversation, how we used to sing together in the car, the house dat ur planning to buy for you, me and our future children, Lord, im just so sad.

You told me, “I cant stand you anymore. There is no her. I want nobody right now. Not even you. I just want you to disappear. I want to be alone”

No matter what you said to me, no matter how harsh your words to me, you know that I still love you, and always will. Yes, I still love you and I don’t hate you. How can I hate you when you are the person that I love the most?

I know that u probably wont read this, but I just wanna tell you that I love you. And you have no idea how much I love you..

“To hate someone that we love is the hardest thing to do”

damn hurt

You don't know how it hurts.

conflict

for this past few days, things are getting worse between me and him. i cant see where and what went wrong. i had enough of all this thing. i want to walk away so badly but i just cant..

.

just want you to see how badly you hurt me...

pretend

In the end
i'll always pretend
pretend I'm okay
it doesn't matter anyway

he doesnt want me
I just wanna cry
I never got to say goodbye

I was okay before
now it hurts even more
just kill me now
I dont care how

i'm fucking deppressed
angry and repressed
I want to throw things
I dont care what

I want to cry
I dont care where
I want to die
I want to get high

i'm so fucking angry
whats the point
I try so hard
i'm such a fucking retard

punch me, kick me, tear at my thoat
i'd let you drown me in a moat
I dont care anymore
I was such a whore

I fucked everything up
I made my own mess
the battlefield in my head
the cold cracked heart
barely bbeating in my chest

i'm a mess
my feelings are too hard to surpress
I want this to end
I dont want to pretend

shoot me dead
slit my wrists on the bed
overdose on pills
drown in a lake surrounded by hills

it's no use
I dont want attention
I can't deal with the abuse

what a fucked up world
what a fucked up life
I can't take it anymore
just give me the knife